“Your fans never left you! The world hasn’t forgotten! Sure, it’s impossible, but we’ve gotta try! It’s time to play the music…”
“It’s time to light the lights.”
“It’s time to meet the Muppets…”

Walter was…special. Being a Muppet when growing up isn’t as fun as it sounds, especially when living in a human community. But he sought refuge in his family’s old Muppet Show tapes, and became the biggest Muppet fan in the world. Years passed, and that fact still hasn’t changed. During a trip to Los Angeles with his brother Gary (Jason Segel) and Gary’s girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams), Walter discovers a dastardly plot by oil tycoon Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) to demolish the Muppet Theater for the oil beneath it; though, really, it’s just because Richman is an asshole. Now Walter, Gary and Mary must help Kermit the Frog reunite the Muppets and raise $10 million in a Muppet Telethon to save their beloved Muppet Theater.

Hilarity ensues.

O hai, readers. Welcome to Maso-Mondays. How I think of you fondly, despite only joining the site less than a year ago. Hmm? What’s that? I have to be subjugated to an abysmal piece of media that’ll surely crush all reason for me to live? Wonderful! And, boy, do I have the movie for the job. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

The Room

“Don’t worry about it.” Oh, how I wish.

What is there to say about The Room? A cult classic amongst film and internet circles, this independent movie has been described as the Citizen Kane of bad movies with its piss-poor acting, lousy editing, hilarious dialogue, obvious plot holes, and just all around terribleness. And all of this brought to you by the unintelligible actor/writer/producer/director quadruple threat, Tommy Wiseau.

Sounds like fun! Let’s get started.

The movie begins with some lovely shots of San Francisco. Symbolism, anyone? Anyway, we are introduced our main character Johnny, played by our quadruple threat! And, right off the bat, you can see why this movie is so infamously horrible. Mr. Wiseau, sir?

You.
Can’t.
Act.

I consider myself a Tekken fan — sometimes really fanatic, sometimes a simple button masher. And I also consider myself having a high bullshit threshold, although it's quite debatable because I filter rubbish before I think of watching. So obviously, if I do decide to watch horrible movies, it’s because I don’t care or because I love the series/game, etc. For example, Dragonball Evolution or Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Before I watched it, I expected Tekken the live action movie to be no better. And I was right.

Are you ready? It's time to D-D-D-D-Duel! If you believe in the heart of the cards, and helping kids then come on out. The Make-A-Wish Foundation's Metro New York chapter has teamed up with the Pharaoh himself to screen the new Yu-Gi-Oh! movie, Yu-Gi-Oh! 3D: Bonds Beyond Time.

The movie will premiere in New York City on February 23 at a benefit to support the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The Foundation is known for it's mission to help fulfill the wishes of children with life-threatening and terminal illnesses. The event will include demonstrations of the Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card game, appearances by the anime series' voice actors, a costume contest and a raffle. The proceeds of the raffle will go towards benefiting the foundation.

If you can't come out and support the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the movie will also be playing in select theaters February 26 and 27, as well as March 5 and 6. For further details and screening locations, check out the Yu-Gi-oh! 3D website.

Editor's Note: Today's lovely header image is by pixiv's MD.

“Now with 40% less angst and more badass! …Seriously.”
—TV Tropes on the Rebuild of Evangelion films

My rating system:

5 = Perfection.
4.5 = REALLY good, but lacking that oomph to make it to 5.
4 = Great.
3.5 = Above average. Definitely worth a look.
3 = Average.
2.5 = Below average. If you like its genre, you probably would like it.
2 = Not terrible, but not something you would like.
1.5 = Bad, but still worth checking JUST to make fun of how bad it is.
1 = BEWARE! EVIL! NOT EVEN WORTH MAKING FUN OF! WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SICK!

Evangelion: 2.0 continues where the first film left off: The special military agency NERV is still destroying any Angels that emerge as a new Evangelion pilot is taken on. For the first half of the movie it continues to follow the original series’ premise. The second half, however, decidedly takes a different turn…

“This is a new war.”

My rating system:

5 = Perfection.
4.5 = REALLY good, but lacking that oomph to make it 5.
4 = Great.
3.5 = Above average. Definitely worth a look.
3 = Average.
2.5 = Below average. If you like its genre, you probably would like it.
2 = Not terrible, but not something you would like.
1.5 = Bad, but still worth checking JUST to make fun of how bad it is.
1 = BEWARE! EVIL! NOT EVEN WORTH MAKING FUN OF! WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SICK!

Summer Wars is about Kenji, a mathematical genius and part-time moderator of OZ, a massive online virtual experience that is used by practically every single person in the world. One day, he is asked by Natsuki, the most popular girl in his school, to take up a summer job. Being any natural mathematics nerd with a crush, he accepts. However, upon arrival at Natsuki’s family estate, Kenji finds out that he’s been drafted to pretend to be Natsuki’s boyfriend/fiancé in front of her extensive family during her beloved grandmother’s birthday. Later that night, Kenji receives a text message that is nothing but numbers. Thinking it’s just a random math question; he solves it and replies to sender. However, it turns out to that solution was the code to break into OZ’s mainframe. Oops. With a rogue program causing trouble in both the virtual world and the real world, Kenji has to take it down.

Now for the review:

The first thing many people have noted about this movie was that it was very, very pretty. Madhouse put a lot of effort into the design of OZ, and it suited it well. OZ looked very much like those cutesy websites pages where you create your own little avatar to interact with others and environments. It was very bright and creative. In contrast, the real world looked more dull and crisp. It was an excellent blending of two styles: OZ’s more stylistic and watercolor look and the real world’s more simple and sketchy one.

Greetings, programs.

My rating system:

5 = Perfection.
4.5 = REALLY good, but lacking that oomph to make it 5.
4 = Great.
3.5 = Above average. Definitely worth a look.
3 = Average.
2.5 = Below average. If you like its genre, you probably would like it.
2 = Not terrible, but not something you would like.
1.5 = Bad, but still worth checking JUST to make fun of how bad it is.
1 = BEWARE! EVIL! NOT EVEN WORTH MAKING FUN OF! WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SICK!

Tron: Legacy initially continues about seven years after the ending of the first movie. The main character of the first movie, Kevin Flynn, has become CEO of software company ENCOM. Flynn started a new project that is far larger in scale than any of his video games. He claims it will change the very nature of human existence. However, before he could reveal what his project was, he mysteriously disappeared. Not only does that almost financially ruin ENCOM, but leaves his son Sam orphaned. Twenty years later ENCOM recovered from Flynn’s disappearance, but Sam grew up so haunted by his father’s disappearance that he (for lack of a better word) trolls his father’s former software empire. Alan Bradley, Kevin’s friend and co-worker, reveals to Sam that he received a mysterious pager message from the long-abandoned arcade that used to belong to his father. Sam decides to investigate, and discovers a secret lab in the arcade’s basement – and a digitizing laser that beams him into the Grid. Now trapped within the digital world his father created, Sam must rescue his father and escape back to reality all the while avoiding the new evil in the Grid: Clu, Kevin’s program gone rogue.

Now for the review:

Tron: Legacy is amongst the most graphically stunning things I have seen; living up to its predecessor’s…erm, legacy of incredible special effects excellently. Everything felt very real and you can definitely feel substance with every bump, crash, and action. I have never felt that way in regards to other movies’ effects, even those for Transformers or James Cameron’s Avatar. Speaking of that, I honestly felt like the world of Tron: Legacy was more real and believable compared to Avatar’s Pandora. Before the Avatar fans string me up and lynch me, hear me out. While I thought Pandora looked absolutely beautiful, I never really felt like it was actually there – which it wasn’t. I was never able to be caught up in their world because I just couldn’t believe it existed. The Grid, however, is quite the opposite. It felt physical. Practical. I felt like I could actually reach out and touch it. And that’s not because of the 3D by the way. It was able to look amazing while still having presence. More on that in a bit.

Who am I? Oh, yeah. NL.

My rating system:

5 = Perfection.
4.5 = REALLY good, but lacking that oomph to make it 5.
4 = Great.
3.5 = Above average. Definitely worth a look.
3 = Average.
2.5 = Below average. If you like its genre, you probably would like it.
2 = Not terrible, but not something you would like.
1.5 = Bad, but still worth checking JUST to make fun of how bad it is.
1 = BEWARE! EVIL! NOT EVEN WORTH MAKING FUN OF! WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SICK!

Metropolis takes place in… well, Metropolis; the most advanced city in the world with robots serving the populace. A Japanese detective and his nephew arrive in Metropolis to track down a mad scientist wanted for organ trafficking. Eventually, their case brings them to come across an unusually beautiful and naked young girl with no apparent knowledge of who she is or what she is doing here. The nephew and the girl then get separated from his uncle after a fire in the factory they found the girl in. However, that is the least of their worries as the city's corrupt system takes a turn for the worst and the city's most powerful man seeks the girl for a secret agenda.

The sequel to the first film, named for the famous Grandmaster of Wing Chun kung fu, details Ip Man’s life in Hong Kong following his escape from Foshan. Since it is set in the 1950s, Hong Kong at the time is controlled by Great Britain, and is one of the major conflicts between the local kung fu masters and a corrupt British-born police officer setting up a protection racket within the city.

Ip Man has opened his own school to teach kung fu, but struggles in the beginning due to lack of students and growing bills until an arrogant young man named Leung challenges Ip Man. The school then takes off from there, with the leader of the local kung fu masters taking an interest in Ip Man, played by Sammo Hung. When a British boxer, Twister, insults the masters and their respective schools at a boxing competition set up between him and Hung, Hung fights to defend the integrity of Chinese martial art, then Ip Man himself when Twister gives another challenge to fight as many Chinese who will accept. The film ends with the audience, and Ip Man meeting a very young Bruce Lee.

Unlike many sequels which flop compared to the original film, Ip Man 2 stands very well on its own. The fight choreography is once again done by Sammo Hung, and the plot is similar to the first story: the pride of the Chinese nation against an invading, foreign force. However, the action scenes make it seem as if it is an original adaptation of Ip Man’s life in Hong Kong, from the two biggest fights with Twister, to Ip Man’s challenge with the local kung fu masters atop a table.

Donnie Yen does a superb job reprising his role as the Grandmaster, with other veteran Hong Kong stars as some of the local kung fu masters, such as Lo Mang playing a kung fu master adept at the Praying Mantis style.

All in all, I would give the film a 9 out of 10 stars.

"I have lived through many ages,
through the eyes of salmon, deer, and wolf.
I have seen the north men invading the islands
destroying all in search of gold.
I have seen suffering in the darkness,
yet I have seen beauty thrive in the most fragile of places.
I have seen the book,
the book,
that turns darkness into light."

...And so begins the tale of The Secret of Kells.